


Through A Glass Darkly

by Anotherdumblonde



Series: 99 Red Balloons [2]
Category: 99 Red Balloons (Song)
Genre: Dystopian Future, F/M, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 17:32:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4675316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherdumblonde/pseuds/Anotherdumblonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her world had fallen apart.  It was now time to pick up the pieces and discover who she truly was.  To look at the world no longer through the eyes of a child, but through those of an adult.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through A Glass Darkly

**Author's Note:**

> I had thought Brynn's story was finished... what a fool I was. 
> 
> Brynn: Wait! Now I have to fight.  
> Me: You're a dilletante from Central. You don't know how to fight.  
> Brynn: Then teach me! 
> 
> *sigh* looks like someone is more than ready to continue her story. Guess I'm coming along for the ride. ;)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Through A Glass Darkly

Book II in the 99 Red Balloons Series

  
  
  
  


Story written by:

Merrie A. Reilly

  
  
  
  
  
  


This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.  

All characters and situations are sole property of the author and can not be reproduced in full or in part without the author's  express written permission.

 

 

 

_Corinthians 13:11-12 King James Version (KJV)_   
  
_11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child:_

_but when I became a man, I put away childish things._

_12 **For now we see through a glass, darkly** ; but then face to face:_

_now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known._

 

:Chapter One:

 

    When you've experienced tragedy, there is a time when the world around you ceases to exist. You walk through life unaware of the everyday that is going on.  You cannot see past the pain, and you retreat into yourself.  You need to be reminded to eat, to drink, to wake up in the morning.  And you lay there wishing they also reminded you to breathe.  Because breathing becomes a chore.  The pain is so intense, so surreal, that you wish for anything to stop it.  Even death itself.

    And then weeks or months later you emerge from your small cocoon.  The little world of safety you created for yourself, only to  realize that in fact the world did not actually stop.  That life continued around you and moved on without you.  It's as if everything is spinning out of control and you can't slow it down enough to jump back on the ride.

    For the past ten months, since Central had attacked East, I had retreated from the world.  My sister was forced to grow up before her time.  To take on the responsibility of taking care of me.  Of reminding me to breathe.  She slipped into her role with ease.  Endearing herself to everyone who met her.  Her bright smile was still there, but only I could see the shadow in her light eyes.  And I grieved for the child she should have been.

When I arrived on Oren Tully's doorstep, his son's blood on my hands, and his dead wife's wedding ring on my finger, he had taken me in his arms, and mourned with me.  He took me in, protecting me from the authorities, of Central, and the rebels of East that saw me as a threat to their freedom.  He asked no questions and expected nothing from me.  So when I finally 'woke up', in the midst of a war, I knew I had to begin again.  

    The innocence that had blinded me as a child was gone.  Now I saw things differently.  If not exactly clearly, certainly through a glass darkly.  With the eyes jaded and yet until now unused.  I knew what I needed to do.  To become someone not only Noah, but I could be proud of.

______________________________________

 

The noise was deafening.  We stood in the middle of the rain soaked clearing, targets before us, and shouting men behind.  The mud sucked at my boots as I tried to move and my right shoulder was numb from the recoil of the rifle I held.  Letting it drop, I tried to shake some feeling back into it.

"Are you tired, Duchess?  Shall I fetch you a chair?  Perhaps some afternoon tea?"  His voice bellowed from behind me, barely muffled by the rain.

My head drooped in defeat before I turned to find him standing ten paces back.  He held his arms crossed over his broad chest, and glared down menacingly at me.  Rivulets of water traced down his face, though he did not move to wipe them away.  His dark eyes glared at me from beneath his furrowed brow.

"You have something to say, Duchess?"  He raised an eyebrow at me.

I glowered back at him, but did not answer as I would have before the war.  This girl I had become, did not stir up trouble.  She kept to herself, and did as she was told.  She certainly didn't pick fights with the likes of him.  I had no idea who he was, but he certainly knew who I was.  And it was quite obvious that he was bound and determined to make my life miserable.

"I didn't think so," he said, after getting no answer from me.  "Then pick the gun up and this time try and hit the target."

The sneer marred what might have been a handsome face.  As I turned away from him, I silently repeated the same thing over and over.  I will not give him the satisfaction of making me angry.  If he felt the need to use me as his personal whipping boy, then so be it.  Better me than one of the young soldiers lined up next to me.

"Jace."  We both turned at the commanding voice behind us.

My tormentor stepped forward.  Now I had something of a name.  The man who spoke was Eric Seldage.  Oren Tully's second in command and head of the military.

"Yes, Sir."  Jace answered.

"I need one of your recruits.  Goodchild."  Eric announced.

I started at my last name, and felt a multitude of eyes upon me.  Jace turned, casting his dark eyes upon me once again, as I stepped forward.  Holding out my gun to him, I finally met his gaze.

"Looks like me carriage has arrived."  I couldn't help myself as the retort slipped out.

"That's right, Duchess.  Now you can go be useless somewhere else," he snarled at me.

I bristled at his comment, but bit my tongue and climbed into the Jeep before Eric.

"Jace."  Eric called to the younger man's retreating back.

Jace turned and waited.

"Layoff.  The rest of you... get back to drills."

With a short nod, he turned away, and we were off to our destination.  I sat silently next to Eric, my gaze trained out the side of the open vehicle.

"Has Jace been riding you?"  Eric finally spoke.

Turning to him, I held his gaze for a moment, and then looked away, shrugging.

"He's been a different kid since the war started."  Eric said softly.

My curiosity piqued, I turned to him. "What happened?"

"Lost his best friend in the first wave, and his older brother in a raid."

The old Brynn would have felt some kind of sympathy for his loss.  She would have absolved him of his actions because of his pain.

"We've all lost someone," I said and turned back to the camp we were now traveling through.

I could find nothing within myself to feel for Jace.  I had lost so much because of the war, but I was determined to leave that all behind me.  To lock it away and focus on the next step.

The Jeep stopped before a tall factory building.  We exited, and Eric made his way to the door.  I was supposed to follow him, but I faltered.  I hated this building.  Hated the fact that I needed to come here to meet with Oren once a day.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Eric called to me.

He wouldn't have cared.  He was so busy with the war effort that I was probably a nuisance to have to meet with once a day.  But I was not about to argue the point.  I owed Oren everything, and if he wanted to meet with me once a day, then who was I to complain?  Besides, it wasn't just for pleasure that we met.

Because of my close connection to Central, Oren would discuss strategy and politics with me.  He wanted to know the workings of Central's government and the best way to negotiate with them.  He would ask my opinion on different points that his commanders brought to him, and gage the best action against Central's advancing army.  

Entering the factory, I wore a tight smile, and nodded to the people working there.  They had become my friends over the months I had been visiting Oren's headquarters.  They looked out for Tinka when I had been unable to.  And for that I would be forever in their debt.

I turned when I heard my name called.

"Brynn!"  Lonnie waddled as fast as she could to reach me.

I paused with a small smile on my face, waiting for her.  My hand reflexively going to my very flat abdomen.  Lonnie was two years older than me and heavily pregnant with her first child.  It was unheard of in Central for anyone so young to marry or have children.  Our spouses were chosen by the Ministers when males turned 25 and females turned 20.  But our life expectancy had been so much longer than anyone in the outer provinces.

At 19, Lonnie had been married for a year already, and had planned to start her family.  Being at war only meant that it was more important to her to have her husband's child, should the worst happen.

"Brynn, what happened to you?"  She began to towel my wet hair from my face with her scarf.

"I was training."  I answered her, allowing her to continue her concerned ministrations.  Lonnie was like a force of nature.  There was simply no stopping her once she set her mind to something.  I felt a bit sorry for the child she was carrying.

"Silly girl.  You'll catch your death out there.  Besides, you shouldn't be doing that.  Oren needs you here."  She clucked at me while divesting me of my soaked jacket.

"Yes... he does."

The deep voice behind me had me spinning around.  Oren Tully was a tall man, with a mane of black hair like both of his sons.  He had warm brown eyes, and a kind smile, that always made me want to weep with guilt.  He had never once made me feel as if he blamed me for Noah's death, but in my mind how could he not.

"Lonnie, are you quite done with Miss Goodchild.  Her skill set is needed in a meeting, now."  He spoke to his personal assistant as if she were his daughter.

Lonnie humphed, "If I left it up to the both of you, Brynn would have pneumonia, and neither of you would ever eat.  Which, by the way is not an overrated activity.  Lunch will be arriving soon, for you both.  Now off you go."

With a kiss on my cheek, Lonnie shooed me away with Oren.  I followed him silently down the hallway, until he stopped suddenly and turned to me.

"I'm waiting for her to come after me with a comb one day.  She's a bit scary... you know?"

I couldn't help my laugh, as I glanced at the unruly hair upon his head.  So much like both of his sons.  His sentiment was very much what I had been thinking.

"I feel bad for that baby when it arrives.  Poor thing doesn't stand a chance," he muttered softly to me.

Again, the laugh bubbled out before I could stop it.  Oren smiled, and touched the back of his knuckles to my cheek.

"You should laugh more often, Brynn," he said softly to me before entering his office.

I followed him in and sat in the chair he gestured to.  Oren walked around his desk and situated himself in his chair.  Before he could speak, a knock sounded at the door.  He bid them enter, and we waited as our lunch was rolled in on a cart.  When the young boy left, Oren settled back in his chair, while I remained perched on the edge of mine.

"So tell me, Brynn.  Why do you feel the need to train with the recruits?"  He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his desk and folding his hands.

"What do you mean?" I tried to feign ignorance.

He chuckled softly.  "Look at yourself.  You look like a drowned rat.  And if the way you’re favoring that shoulder is any indication, you have a lovely blossom of bruising there.  So I would like to know why you feel the need to do this to yourself?”

Looking down at my hands folded in my lap, I tried to make a conscious effort to loosen my grip.  Glancing back up at him I answered.

“I want to feel useful.  I want to do something to help.”

Oren smiled at me fondly.  “Don’t you realize how much you already do that?  Your political advice has been invaluable.  Your insight into Central has aided us in many skirmishes.  You’re a valuable asset to us in the war effort.”

“But who sees that?” I blurted out.  “Your people see me with you.  They see the Vice-Chairman’s daughter getting special attention from Oren Tully, himself.  They see me well fed, and well cared for.  They see how you protect me.  And all they can think is that I am the reason your son is dead, and that I should be too.”

I watched as his face hardened, changing right before my eyes from my benevolent guardian to a fearsome sight to behold.

“I have never blamed you for Noah’s death.  My son did what he thought was right.  He knew he might not come back from Central when he set off with you that day.  And he knew that I would find you and your sister and protect you.  He sacrificed himself with the hope of preventing this war.  You did not force him to follow you to Central.”  His voice was low and rough with emotion.

“But if it weren’t for me, he would never have been in Central that day.  If I hadn’t asked him to help me, he would have been safe within East.” I cried, finally lancing the festering wound of my guilt.

“Safe?” he roared.  “East was not safe that day.  East has never been safe for my sons.  Central was dropping bombs upon us too.  Noah could have just as easily been killed here, as in Central.

“I will not allow you to blame yourself for his death.”

I shook my head, my gaze back on my hands.  “If only you could order my heart, as you do your troops.”

He stood, coming around the desk and kneeling before me.  He placed his hands on my arms.

“You cannot blame yourself, Brynn.  You risked your own life to go back for him.  You lost just as much as anyone that day.  You cannot let this guilt eat at you.  It is misplaced.  You must know that.”

I did not answer.  I knew he must be right, but I could not make myself believe it.  I could not bring myself to feel relief, when Noah’s body lay in a grave, in a city that would not suffer him to live.  Besides, even if I didn’t not believe in my guilt, there were many in East that readily blamed me.  

“So it seems, I cannot order you from the path of destruction you are headed down.”

“I am sorry, Sir.  This is something I have to do.  And I know Noah would try to dissuade me if he were here.  But even he would not be able to stop me.  I need a purpose.  I need to know that I am doing something to make sure Noah’s death was not in vain.”

“Oren, please,” he said.

He looked at me for a long moment, as if he were making decisions silently, before he spoke.

“If this is what you really want then I will not order you to stop.  But I do have stipulations so you do not end up killing yourself.  You have someone else to think about besides you, Brynn.”

I nodded warily.  Oren Tully was like a spider.  Spinning his web around you until you had no choice but to do what he wanted.  

“Number one, you will be available to me for meetings at anytime during your training.  This means if I call you for a lunch meeting, you have no choice but to come.

“Number two, if I deem the weather too extreme and tell you you cannot train, you will accept the order.

“And number three, I will be assigning a training instructor to you exclusively, to make sure you are being trained with the utmost care to your talents.”

I balked.  “No!  No special treatment.  They have to see me like one of them.  They need to see that I’m willing to stand beside them, in any weather, and train.  Just as they do.”  I was determined to become one of them.

Oren sighed.  “Has anyone ever told you how stubborn you are?”

“Actually, my father used to tell me that all the time,” I answered softly.

“I’m sorry, Brynn.”

I shrugged.  “Everyone has lost something.”

He nodded and turned to fiddled with some things on his desk.  I know he felt guilty for some how bringing up my father, but I didn’t blame him.  We all had to deal with the tragedy of the war.

    “Well, if you are bound and determined to get yourself killed… Let’s head back to the training grounds.”

    I looked at him, positive my thoughts were written on my face.  This time Oren straightened himself to his full imposing height.

    “You can return to your training.  But I am going to deliver you to the training grounds.  I need to keep an eye on the new recruits.”

    “But, Oren…” I tried to argue but the look on his face stopped me.

    “You can either return with me… or not return at all.  The choice is yours.”

    With a sigh of my own, my shoulders slumped.  Oren knew how to play the game.  He appeared quiet and reserved.  He seemed to give in easily, but when it came down to it, he was merely setting up the board for his final move.  And he always won.

    “I’m glad to see you agree.  Now, let’s not waste anymore time.”  He looked expectantly at me as he moved to the door.

    I followed suit, and we left his office.  The food Lonnie has sent in, untouched.  I had a fleeting thought that we were going to hear about that.  And I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my lips.

    The heavy rain had stopped, but a fine mist still fell, while we drove to the training ground clearing.  As we arrived, I noticed my group had moved on from the shooting range.  As everyone in the clearing slowly noticed Oren’s Jeep, most of the activity stopped.  They all waited expectantly to see him emerge.

    I cringed inwardly, wanting to yell at him that this was what I had wanted to avoid.  All eyes were upon us as we exited the vehicle.  I could feel the tension rolling off the people around us.  Be it from Oren Tully being in the training yard, or because I stepped out of the Jeep with him, I couldn’t tell.

    But what I could tell, was Jace was not happy to see me back.  I stood next to Oren, his hand on my shoulder, as if to hold me in place, while he spoke to Eric.  I heard nothing that they said, because my mind was too busy trying to work out a plan on how to avoid Jace.  And then suddenly, Eric was calling his name loudly, across the field.

    I stiffened as I watched him jog over to us.  He stopped before Oren and Eric at attention, and somehow managed to ignore me completely.  

    “At ease, son,” Oren said, kindly to him.

    Jace relaxed.

    “How have you been?”

    “I’ve been well.  Busy,” he answered.

    Oren nodded.  “And the recruits?  Anyone look promising?”

    I watched as Jace’s eyes flicked to me and then away.

    “A small few have some potential.  But most can hit the broadside of a barn while standing next to it.”

    I bit down hard, making sure I didn’t say something to start an argument.  Obviously, Jace was someone who both Oren and Eric thought of highly.  And it wouldn’t do for them to see us argue.  But I so wanted to knock that smug look off of his handsome face.

    “Tomorrow, you will no longer be training recruits.”

    Jace balked, “What?  But I…”

    Oren held up his hand.

    “I am sure you know who this young woman is.”  He gestured to me.

    Jace barely glanced at me before he nodded.

    “And Brynn, I am sure you know, Jace.”  Oren turned to me.

    I tried my best to keep the mutinous scowl from my face.

    “Yes,” I agreed.

    “Good.  Tomorrow, you two will start training.  Jace, I want you to turn our sheltered young lady into a warrior.  Into someone who our troops can rally behind.”

    Jace’s mouth hung open, mirroring my own. Oren had completely undermined me.  I had asked him to let me become one of them, but he had had other plans all along.  A glance at Eric told me that his surprise was as genuine as ours.

    “Oren, if you want miracles, then perhaps you should start praying again.  I’m not God.”  Jace growled.

    Oren’s look shut him up, but not Eric.

    “Oren, Jace has done wonders with the troops.  Taking him from their training may be…”

    “Then I’m sure he will be just as able training, Brynn.  And will have her ready in no time.  Am I right, Jace?”

    I watched as Jace bristled at being caught in this trap.  But he clamped down his protest and nodded.

    “Excellent.  I expect you to both be at my office at 7 AM, sharp.  We will discuss Miss Goodchild’s training then.”

    He turned to me, ignoring the icy glare I was throwing at him.  “For now, Brynn.  Fall in with the other recruits, and continue with them.”

    Oren stepped closer to me, and laid his hand upon my damp cheek.  “Are you sure this is what you want?”

    I wanted to scream no.  I wanted to bang my fists against his chest in protest.  I did not want to be a symbol for the rebellion.  I just wanted to blend in with the others.  I did not want to stand out.  I hated the spotlight.  

    Glancing around, I took in the rain drenched clearing, Jace’s stony visage, the other recruits curious or downright angry stares.  And then I thought of Noah, and looked back at Oren.

    “It is.”  My voice was steady, belying my rapidly beating heart.

    “Be careful what you wish for.”

    He left those parting words hanging in the air between us as he turned and trudged through the mud to continue his inspection of the troops.  

    “Are you waiting for an engraved invitations, or are you going to get in line with the rest of the recruits, Duchess?”

    Jace’s snarl came from behind me.  Standing up straighter, I gritted my teeth and fell in line behind the last recruit.  Jace barked an order, and we headed out for a five mile run.  I was elated, even with the rain dripping in our eyes, and mud sucking at our boots.  Finally something I could excel at.  Five miles was nothing compared to the runs I used to take with my father back in Central.  Little did I know that it wasn’t going to be the enjoyable time I remembered.  Failing to take the weather conditions into consideration wasn't something I was never going to do again.


End file.
